Winner Pitino is Getting Loser Tattoo!

April 9th, 2013

Congratulations to the Louisville Cardinals for winning the National Championship.  After my Hoosiers went down, I cheered on the Cardinals.  I’m thrilled they won, and I’m especially happy for Kevin Ware, the sophomore guard who suffered a compound fracture in the team’s game against Duke.  Fittingly, they lowered the basket after the game so he could cut down the hoop.

While I’m also happy for Coach Rick Pitino for leading his team to victory, I’m also sad for him, too.  Seems in an incredible moment of weakness and bad judgment, he announced before the game that if the team won, he’d tattoo a Cardinal on his arm.

Tattoos are incredibly stupid.  In Pitino’s case, he also coached the Kentucky Wildcats to a National Championship.  Why doesn’t he get a tattoo of a Wildcat, too?  Kentucky and Louisville are state rivals.  If he doesn’t get a Wildcat tattoo in honor of his first National Championship team, that will only give Kentucky fans more reason to hate him for going to the enemy.  The only way he could avoid the backlash there is if he got a tattoo of a Wildcat eating a Cardinal.  Obviously, that’s not gonna happen.  Also, he might go to yet another team, maybe even more than one.  If he keeps the tattoo thing going, before too long he’ll just end up looking like a pictorial dictionary of college mascots.

That’s the other problem with tattoos.  So many people get tattoos of something meaningful today that they end up loathing tomorrow.  Putting the name of the person you “love” is completely idiotic.  What if you end up hating them?  Do you really want the name of the guy who cheated on you tattooed on your body?  I keep thinking Angelina and Billy Bob when I think of these tattoo nightmares.

There are also the absolutely frightening tattoos.  I’ll never forget the guy who had a picture of Mitt Romney tattooed on his face!  That is stupid and scary on so many levels. Getting tattooed with anyone’s likeness on your face makes you a stalker.  Putting the picture of the losing presidential candidate on your face makes you a moron.

My favorites are the weirdos who tattoo knives and demonic figures all over their body.  I guess it’s supposed to be real intimidating.  All I see when I see one of these characters walking down the street is the eighty-year-old version of said bad ass coming towards me.  Yeah, buddy, you’re going to be real scary scooting along on your walker with that wrinkled tattooed body someday.  You can only avoid total humiliation if the sags and wrinkles eventually distort the crazy characters inked on your body.

If I lost my mind and got a tattoo, I don’t even know what I’d get.  One thing I’d want to do is look back ten years and try to remember what I liked back then.  I’d then think about whether or not I still like it today.  That’s another problem with tattoos.  Who has the same taste for their entire lives?  It’s kind of like choosing to wear the same dress every day of your life.

Many people grow up and get rid of the tattoos. The bad news is that tattoo removal is a long painful process and oftentimes leaves a scar.

Bottom line, I don’t understand the allure of putting pictures (and usually very strange pictures) on your body in ink.  It’s so much more fun to wear cool clothes or shoes or jewelry because you can change your look with new seasons and styles.

Tattoos and piercings are a deal breaker for me.  I would never date a guy with a tattoo. It’s just gross.  So here’s my advice.

Think twice before you get ink—it stinks!


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