Why I’d Make a Great President

April 3rd, 2013

While I enjoy reading biographies of American presidents, I never considered being president myself . . . until now.

After watching President Obama in action, I realize I not only would make a pretty darn good president, but I might even enjoy the job (which was one of the biggest reasons I’d never considered it before—I didn’t think I’d like it).

Seeing Obama vacation and hang out with various celebrities made me realize that this may be just the job for me.

I love to travel, and I must admit, I have pretty good taste when it comes to vacationing.  One of life’s little pleasures is sitting by the pool at The Breakers in Palm Beach and summoning the staff to bring you drinks or adjust your umbrella. You just can’t help but feel presidential.  Imagine what it would be like if you really were the president.

I’ve been with the kids to Atlantis in the Bahamas where the Obama girls spent Spring Break with friends. The worst part about that trip was waiting in line with your inner tube to take your turn down one of the various slides. How cool would it be to just cut all those lines because you’re . . . hey . . . the president! In fact, you wouldn’t even have to lug that enormous inner tube up a never ending flight of stairs. You could just get Secret Service to do it.

Dining at the finest restaurants in the world, I’d love that.  Wearing all the latest designer fashions and not paying a dime for them.  I’m all over it.

Granted, it would be kind of a bummer returning to the White House now and then and seeing all those sad looking “ordinary Americans” peeking through the gates to try to get a glimpse of the White House since they couldn’t get in for a tour thanks to the “sequester,” but I’m sure a few trips to Florida for golf with my new buddy, Tiger, could help me forget my troubles.

I really wouldn’t even need to concern myself too much with the future direction of the country. Instead, I could just fly around in Air Force One and make speeches here and there trying to garner public support for whatever I cared about at the moment.  Whether anything ever gets done wouldn’t be a huge thing, since I’d probably be long gone and forgotten before things got too bad.

One thing I wouldn’t want to do is invest in property somewhere like a ranch or beach home because for some reason, the American people kind of expect the president to take vacations “at the ranch” if they have one.  As far as I’m concerned, that’s really a trap and would defeat my whole purpose in becoming president which would be to jet set and hobnob around the world. Who wants to be tied down at some boring ranch?

I would be a little different than Obama in some respects.  He’s really into basketball, but I’m a baseball fan.  Because of that, I’d have my own presidential suite at Nationals Park and I’d watch every Nationals home game there. I’m guessing it would cost the U.S. Treasury a flat fortune for the Secret Service to protect the stadium that much, but I’m sure they could find the money if I needed them to.

Yes, this presidential gig is not something to dismiss without serious consideration, especially since I know I’d be so good at it.

After all, Americans deserve the best.