Why Don’t We Just Get Rid of North Korea’s Mad Fatter? (and Save Austin)

April 4th, 2013

I can’t believe that North Korea’s big fat dictator Kim Jong Un is actually threatening to attack South Korea AND the United States.  Obviously, the new “Dear Leader” is a whacko who has eaten way too much Korean barbeque and appears to be swimming in a two inch gene pool.  Looking at him, it’s hard to take him seriously.  Who gave him that ridiculous haircut?  He looks like Mo from The Three Stooges only Fat Boy looks like his “stylist” is a three-year-old using safety scissors. Obviously, this guy is crazy and a terrorist.  He isn’t smart enough to know what launching missiles would do or worse, he simply doesn’t care.

Instead, he’s accustomed to living in a sick bubble of life where he’s invisible in his ability to simply get away with murder.  It started with his grandfather and continued with his father.  They would starve and murder their own people without giving it a second thought. This new fat little dictator is simply carrying on the family “tradition.” He murders people and threatens others in the world while he eats all the pork rinds, Big Mac, Ding-Dongs, and fried chicken looking like North Korea’s version of Jabba the Hut. Let’s face it.  There is no way he could look like that just eating Asian food.

The clearest evidence that he’s off his rocker is his threat to bomb Austin, Texas.  Seriously?  For one thing, it’s the most passive liberal place within about 300 miles in any direction. Austin is known for its great Tex-Mex and live music.  Recently, they passed a law banning plastic bags in an effort to save the planet.  It must have come as quite a shock to those folks to wake up and find out they’re in the nuclear cross-hairs of North Korea’s mad dictator.

Even though their motto is Keep Austin Weird, and they’re a little out there on lots of issues, I actually like Austin.  I lived there during the Bush campaign and got to know it quite well.  It’s a pleasant creative place.  I’d really hate for Fat Boy to bomb it.  If he did, what would happen to Austin City Limits, South by Southwest, the big pink granite Capitol building of the Lone Star State, and all the great barbeque and Tex-Mex you could possibly eat?

Worse yet, what would happen to Red Girls Salon?  My editor and fellow writer, Monica, lives there.  If anything happened to her, what would happen to this blog?  Who would edit out all the bad words and over the top statements I sometimes make before you ever see them?  (Yes, believe it or not, what you see here is a very tame G-rated version of what I initially write relatively speaking. Monica is one of those proper conservative types.  If I ever get her off on vacation—or Austin does get wiped off the map—this blog will see LOTS of changes)!

What we need now is a Reagan peace through strength approach. If that doesn’t work, who would really care if we ended Fat Boy’s reign of terror by removing him and his motley crew from power?  I’m betting in the long run, his people would thank us. Sadly, I don’t see this happening.  With the Three Amigos (Obama, Hagel, and Kerry) making the key decisions on this matter, all we can hope now is that someone doesn’t blink in all this craziness and the whole world goes up in smoke.  I’m really concerned with what I’m seeing right now.  First, we send our B-2 bomber over there to show some strength, then we announce that maybe we should dial it back.  Which is it? Are we strong or just some paper tiger?  Unfortunately, it looks like Fat Boy isn’t afraid to test the waters and find out.

If Fat Boy does want to start a fight, we should definitely finish it in short order before things really get going.  Clearly, this North Korean Mad Fatter is deranged and capable of anything.  He has no conscience or a full grasp about what he’s doing.

If I were in charge, I’d end his reign of terror before it could begin.  Then I’d call it a day and celebrate in Austin at Stubbs, listening to some great live music, and hanging out with my friends.


One Comment

  1. Tim
    Posted Apr 04 2013 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

    Let him take out Austin! So we lose the Longhorns and the most liberal city in Texas! There’s alot better BBQ in Texas than Stubbs. And other venues where country acts can play.