In celebration of Turkey Day, here is my personal list of the Top Ten Turkeys of 2012:
10. Disney–Star Wars fans will only be disappointed with future films. I fear a return of Jar Jar Binks. I’d rather see Goofy and Pluto go all Darth Vader on Mickey and the rest of the gang, but then it really wouldn’t be Star Wars, would it? The Force definitely isn’t with us on this one.
9. Arnold Schwarzenegger–For getting the housekeeper pregnant, keeping her and the kid around while lying to his wife and other children, and then writing a tell all memoir about the whole embarrassing episode. He also gets my Turkeynator Award.
8. California Voters–For voting to tax pretty much everything that dares move in that state and then giving the Democrats the power to tax even more. California is an awesome state. When it comes to voting, please get your act together (kind of explains the whole Arnold Schwarzenegger Governor thing doesn’t it?).
7. GOP GOTV Effort–Someone needs to tell the Republican establishment that we don’t just knock on doors these days to get voters to the polls. That strategy kind of died along with candidates making speeches standing on tree stumps. It’s 2012! Figure it out and HURRY!
6. Chief Justice John Roberts–For caving in on the constitutionality of the individual mandate in the Affordable Care Act presumably because he wanted to preserve respect for the Supreme Court. Let’s face it, the Supreme Court has survived some truly bad decisions (ever heard of Dred Scott?). He may feel he’s saved the Supreme Court, but who will save the country from the mess this terrible law will make of the U.S. economy?
5. Baker’s Union–For killing Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, Wonder Bread, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus. Okay–they didn’t kill the last two but they might as well have. Ding-Dong, an American icon is dead. Goodbye Hostess, we’ll miss you.
4. Rush Limbaugh–For calling Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute.” While he does have wisdom to impart on lots of subjects, this particular episode was probably one of the low points in his career. It also points to the GOP message problem in 2012. Republican women should have been the strongest voices calling out Ms. Fluke for her crusade for free contraceptives (Susan B. Anthony is rolling over in her grave).
3. Representative Todd Akin–For offering his “legitimate rape” analysis. In one sentence, he proved that he not only did not deserve to be a United States Senator, but that he shouldn’t be serving in Congress either. Additionally, he helped feed the Democrats’ narrative that all Republican men are cavemen and that the GOP doesn’t care about women. Even after all the damage he’d done was obvious, he selfishly decided to stay in the race and cost the GOP what should have been an easy victory.
2. Dick Morris–For predicting that Mitt Romney would beat Barack Obama in a landslide. Not only was he clearly WRONG, but why did he feel the need to make such a crazy prediction? He’s now backtracking by saying that his model was wrong. Duh!
1. Mayor Michael Bloomberg–Top honor goes to Mayor Bloomberg and his decision to push forward with the New York City Marathon while the city’s residents endured living conditions reminiscent of those of the world’s first marathon fans–the Ancient Greeks. Actually, those first fans probably had it better than New Yorkers after Hurricane Sandy. While both groups read by candlelight, Ancient Greeks reportedly stayed warm and well fed. In fact, it’s pretty safe to say that civilization would have taken a big step back if the Ancient Greeks had been forced to wait for FEMA to show up to help. Thankfully, New Yorkers’ outrage at the idea of holding the race saved Bloomberg from himself on this one.