Top 9 Back-Ups to Replace Hillary if She Goes Bye-Bye

March 6th, 2015

Hillary Clinton is having a couple of very bad weeks. Sometimes it’s easy to forget exactly why she lost to Barack Obama for the 2008 Democrat presidential nomination.  After news broke about foreign donations to the Clinton Foundation and her homebrew email server and account, it’s all slowly coming back to us.

Maybe she’s not such a shoo-in after all.  If so, the Democrats are going to need a replacement candidate and fast.  Here are a few suggestions:

9.  Evan Bayh—Former Indiana Senator who always plays it safe might be appealing after Obama’s many failures.  While some people like to live on the edge and go with pot infused Rocky Road, it’s true that you can never go wrong with plain Vanilla.  That pretty much sums up Evan Bayh.

8.  Elizabeth Warren—The Massachusetts Senator is the popular favorite with the media and those who hate people who work for a living.  While she may turn off everyone slightly left of center, in the middle, and definitely on the right, she does bring a certain amount of needed diversity thanks to the Native American roots she shared with us in her first campaign . . . really.

7.  Joe Biden—Ah yes, the Vice President.  Now that some of the elephants are being removed from the circus, why not bring in the clown show?  Plus it’s unfair to call John Travolta the creepy uncle when we all know its Joe Biden.

6. Bill de Blasio—Anything to get this man out of the New York mayor’s office. Republicans would absolutely love it since he’d be guaranteed to lose every state including New York.  Where do we send a campaign contribution?

5.  Cory Booker—New Jersey Senator who would be fun to watch on the campaign trail.  Between his Twitter campaign and a few spectacular building rescues (all recorded of course), he’d be entertaining if nothing else.

4.  Rachel Maddow—Although I disagree with every word that comes out of her mouth, at least the MSNBC host is articulate and would smoke everyone else in a Democrat debate. Her razor sharp rhetoric and good hair make her a possible contender and much more qualified than some community organizer from Chicago (by way of Hawaii).

3.  Michael Dukakis—Why not go old school?  It would be good to have a Democrat candidate who appreciates the military even if he doesn’t know how to show it.  The bad photo op in a tank would still be hard to live down after all these years.  As a former Democrat presidential nominee, he’s been through the drill before.  Wait!  Is he still alive?  Even the Democrats can’t successfully pull off a Weekend at Bernie’s presidential campaign.

2.  John Fugelsang—An actor who looks and sounds good in a Kennedyesque sort of way.  He replaced bad guy Eliot Spitzer when needed—why not replace another one?

1.  Alec Baldwin—He would be the most entertaining person on the campaign trail and would hopefully channel Jack Donaghy here and there.  Plus, it would be fun to see his monthly beating of someone in the press gaggle who asks a stupid question now and then.  President Baldwin for the win!

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