South Carolina Should Sink Sad Sack Sanford

March 27th, 2013

Pathetic excuse for a candidate, Mark Sanford, is already being edged out by Elizabeth Colbert Busch in a recent poll.  So why the heck would the fine people in the Palmetto State want Mark Sanford to become their nominee in the race for the 1st Congressional District seat?

Currently, Sanford is set for a runoff against a gentleman named Curtis Bostic who is a great candidate.  He’s a family guy, Marine, and former Charleston County Councilman. So far, nothing disturbing is reported in his past, but then again he’d really need to have done something illegal, unethical, and totally gross to even come close to the past of the infamous former governor.

The district is a pretty safe seat for the GOP, but Sanford puts it in peril.

Who will ever forget the concern we all felt upon hearing the news when Sanford disappeared while hiking the Appalachian Trail?  Our collective imaginations ran wild thinking of how the poor governor and father of four young sons might have been mauled by a bear or stumbled over a cliff to his death while communing with nature. We feared the worst and imagined the tragic site of his poor widow and fatherless boys mourning his demise.

Likewise, who will ever forget the feelings we had when Sanford was actually caught “communing” alright—in Argentina with a younger woman not his wife?  Our thoughts drifted to an entirely different satisfying scenario where we all got to cheer as Mrs. Sanford branded her cheating husband’s butt with a hot poker.

If that wasn’t bad enough, the goof returned to the States and held a bizarro press conference where he foolishly and with an insensitivity that is rare (thankfully because it’s usually reserved for characters of the Hannibal Lecter ilk), tried to explain away all the lying, cheating, and questionable use of state funds by noting that if we all really knew the whole story we’d know that this wasn’t just your garden variety illicit extramarital affair.  No, this was truly a “love story.”


Sanford is only in this runoff because he started in a crowded field and had the biggest name identification.  You know how that works. You see a list—Jones, Smith, Capone, and Johnson.  Whose name jumps out at you?  Yeah, that’s how it works and that’s why he’s in his current position.

The fact is that if he wins the runoff, Colbert Busch will make mincemeat of him.  It is the Democrats’ dream to have Sanford in the race.  Stephen Colbert will rip him to shreds and not just because Sanford is such an easy target.  This is blood—the candidate is Stephen Colbert’s sister—the family name is on the line.

So forget heavy artillery. The nukes will be coming out, and once again the GOP will be fielding some laughable idiotic candidate. Seriously, Sanford over the Marine?  No way!

It’s Passover and that’s exactly what the good folks of South Carolina should do to Sanford.  Otherwise, the GOP should expect Comedy Central and the Democrats to have a field day with this joke of a candidate.

There are many wonderful things about South Carolina—great food, weather, and natural beauty.  So let’s keep South Carolina known for all these good things and not the bozo candidate who chose Argentina over his state, wife, and kids.