Noooooo! Don’t Cave Coke! Don’t be like Pansy Pepsi!

May 10th, 2013

Seriously Coke?  You are now participating in an anti-obesity campaign?  You’re Coke, an American icon.  For generations, Americans have chosen you over all the competition.  I’ve always picked you over Pepsi, but now I hate to break it to you.  I’m extremely disappointed by your weakness.

You have a drink that’s been around a very long time, and the one time you made a big splash to change it with “New Coke” in the 1980s, it tanked.  Honestly, that was about as good an idea as shoulder pads and big hair.

Coca-Cola is the drink of picnics, ball games, family events, and is even finely paired with a fine gentleman named Jack on occasion.  Coke shouldn’t cave to anyone.

Just own the fact that your drink is sugary and fabulous.  Who cares what Michelle Obama or Mayor Bloomberg is pushing?  Don’t be a wimp.  Don’t apologize or change for anything.  To do that is such a pansy move.  You have no reason to apologize or make amends for fat people.  It’s not like you don’t make an effort.  You have Diet Coke, which I hate by the way.  Artificial sweeteners are disgusting and from everything I’ve read, they probably actually promote weight gain rather than prevent it.  Natural sugar is actually better.

The anti-sugary drink campaign of Mayor Bloomberg is ridiculous.  I have a bit more respect for Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign because it encourages people to get moving.  That’s fine as long as it’s simply encouraged and not legislated.

C’mon Coke.  You need to simply own the fact that you’ve been around a whole lot longer than Bloomberg, the Obamas, or any crazy anti-obesity campaign. Forget them—be the great product you are and don’t apologize for the calories and the sugar. People who are concerned about that can always drink Diet Coke or water.

Americans have the right to eat and drink anything they want.  The people who are pushing this campaign really should spend their time on more worthwhile pursuits because guess what?  Ultimately, we’re all going to consume what we please.

For decades, Americans have enjoyed Coke.  Let that tradition continue.  Be proud and celebrate the fact that Coke is an indulgence people enjoy and that makes them happy.

Tell the fat police to have a Coke and a smile, and say no thank you to their pansy politically correct meddling into the lives of others.  You have a wonderfully successful product.  Let all the sour pusses whine.

Don’t apologize for your sweet American success story, Coke.  Be sweet and proud!