My Top 9 Wishes for 2014

January 1st, 2014

Happy New Year!

Yesterday was a day of reflection of the best and worst of 2013.  Today, that’s so last year.  It’s time to move on to 2014.  Here’s my list of wishes for the coming year:

9 – Duck Dynasty moves to CMT where they can drink Pabst Blue Ribbon and play with their ducks;

8 – Rob Ford comes to NYC, gets his own talk show, and highlights moves from his new exercise video;

7 – Fat people stay happily fat or just put down the Big Mac;

6 – The Colts and Pacers win the Super Bowl and NBA Championship respectively;

5 – I get a deal to endorse boots which naturally means I get all the free boots I want;

4 – DeBlasio moves to a Communist country and Rudy Giuliani comes riding in on a horse drawn carriage;

3 – Chris Christie bails on the amnesty talk and actually has a chance to win the GOP nomination;

2 – The GOP wins the Senate so we can repeal ObamaCare; and

1 – I replace one of the lame late night talk show hosts (there are so many to choose from).