Just So Ted Cruz Knows—Top 9 NYC Values

April 7th, 2016

9.  Don’t eat pizza with a fork and never order Chicago deep dish pizza.

8.  Never say “hello” to some stranger when you’re walking down the street.  That may work down in Texas, but in NYC if you do that expect a “what are you looking at?!”

7.  Texting while walking across the street is moronic.  Do that and no one will care if you walk straight into a food cart for not looking up.

6.  Wearing bright colors more than once a month is a huge fashion faux pas.  Black is the new, old, and present.

5.  Never support or wear any sports shirt other than one for a New York sports team franchise anywhere.  It doesn’t matter if you’re going to a game or just taking out the trash.  Get caught in a Los Angeles Dodgers t-shirt, for example, and that’s what you’ll be wearing when you meet your Maker.

4.  Don’t stand on the street looking around like a goofball.  New Yorkers know a tourist a mile away for this.

3.  Never wear one of those ‘I Love NYC” t-shirts.  Those are for tourists from Tennessee.  New Yorkers don’t need a t-shirt to show how much they love the Big Apple.

2.  Know better than to give Elmo or the Naked Cowboy in Times Square money.  And if they ask?  They’ll get nothing more than a proper finger salute or a punch in the nose.

1.  Understand that Goodfellas is the best movie in the world.  If you don’t, New Yorkers everywhere will turn their backs on you.

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