Tomorrow is my birthday.
According to the Mayan calendar, it’s also the end of the world.
As party planning goes, this presents a variety of problems. For example, everyone asks me if I want a cake. Normally, that’s a silly question. Of course, I want a cake. Your birthday is really the only day on the calendar when you can eat an entire cake if you want and nobody dare say a word. It’s a sugar lovers Nirvana.
But when the world is supposed to end on your birthday, when are you supposed to serve cake? Breakfast? The longer you wait, the more you’re just risking not eating any at all.
Then there are gifts. Should I really encourage friends and family to spend money on things I probably don’t need and may not get to use anyway? It seems so wasteful. I thought about asking for one of those emergency kits they sell for disasters. Then it dawned on me that this is also a complete waste. If the world is really coming to an end, an emergency preparedness kit is pretty useless.
Someone suggested I try doing what I’ve always wanted to do. Usually when people recommend such things, they’re thinking sky diving or climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. Not me. I’m a certified 100% proud adventure wimp. Risking life and limb is not my idea of “fun.” Then again, if the world is coming to an end, what difference does it make? This is actually a rather deep question. If we all make it past tomorrow, I’ll ponder it further.
I’m trying to be positive about this birthday, but it’s not easy when national news outlets are running “specials” about your birthday being the end of the world.
Fortunately, I didn’t even know about all this until this past summer when a movie trailer came on about a film depicting the end of the world on 12-21-12. Until then, I was blissfully ignorant of the whole thing which is good. It certainly would have ruined all my past birthdays to think that I only had exactly X number of years left.
Now, I personally feel there is a very good chance (excellent in fact) that the Mayans may have this one wrong. My son told me this morning that there is actually a theory that the Mayans believed in cycles and that tomorrow just marks the end of one cycle and the beginning of another. I also saw a commentator today on television suggest that the Mayans who made the calendar may have just stopped on December 21, 2012 because they ran out of paper or stone or whatever they put that calendar on.
Imagine the scene.
Mayan Calendar Maker # 1: “Oops! This is as far as I can chisel. You think that’ll be a problem?”
Mayan Calendar Maker #2: “Are you kidding me? No way. What idiot would think that’s really the end?”
Mayan Calendar Maker #1: “Yeah, stupid me. Only a moron would think that.”
I am going to go about my business today believing that this is all (1) a cruel joke perpetrated thousands of years ago or (2) a serious glitch in Mayan calendar manufacturing.
Either way, I have a little piece of advice.
If you want to wish me Happy Birthday tomorrow, please call at 12:01 am CST.
I’ll be eating cake.