“Ambassador” Dennis Rodman? Oh My!

March 4th, 2013

Some days I turn on cable news and think I missed a button and it’s the Sci-Fi Channel.  Any minute, Rod Serling will appear and say, “You have just entered into the Twilight Zone.”

Such was the case when I saw Dennis Rodman, decked out in his dollar bill jacket and purple cap, praising his new friend, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un.

Never mind that “dear leader” is following in this father’s footsteps and continues to starve, oppress, and brainwash his people or that he conducts nuclear weapons test while threatening to destroy the United States.

“I love him,” Rodman gushed, “The guy is awesome.  He was so honest.”


According to Rodman, Kim and President Obama’s mutual love of basketball could potentially lead to peace between the two countries because according to Rodman, Kim doesn’t want war despite all his big talk to the contrary.  He actually wants peace and a phone call from Obama himself.

Who knew this was going to be that easy?

Perhaps the two leaders could meet for a friendly game of pick-up basketball to get to know each other.  Obama would have to let Kim win, of course, or at least accept the fact that it would be reported that way in North Korea. Isn’t that small international embarrassment a minor price to pay for world peace?

Rodman isn’t completely in the dark about some of Kim’s more nefarious activities away from the basketball court.

“I don’t condone what he does,” explains Rodman, “but as far as a person to person, he’s my friend.”

This somewhat accounts for the rather bizarre fact of life that even brutal dictators have friends.  Hard to imagine that a mass murderer could have people who think they’re funny, engaging, even charming when they’re not gassing people to death or gathering them in a mass grave to shoot them, but strangely enough, they do.

Before anyone runs to a microphone and calls for Rodman to become a real ambassador, it should be noted, however, that not everything about his trip was “successful.”

For example, he speculated that he might run into Gangnum Style phenomenon, Psy, on his trip.  Someone forgot to inform Rodman that just because you’re Korean doesn’t mean you live under Kim’s authority.  Psy, obviously a bit shocked by the suggestion, immediately took to Twitter to correct the confusion tweeting “@dennisrodman I’m from # SOUTH man!!!”  After his whole “death to American service members and their families” fiasco, the last thing Psy needs is to be confused for a North Korean.

Even if Rodman ultimately fails with Kim in his diplomatic efforts, all is not yet lost.  Evidently, Kim is a huge Disney fan.  He even ripped off Disney characters for a nationally broadcast show in North Korea recently.  North Korean Central News Agency officials said that the Disney program was part of Kim’s “grandiose plan to bring a dramatic turn in the field of literature and the arts this year.”

So, if Dennis Rodman proves ineffective at saving the world from nuclear war at the hands of an evil dictator . . . well . . . there’s still Mickey Mouse.